she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
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