i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
