I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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