I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think a kid would responsible me up
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
