so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
