did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
