i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
