Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
