I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
