Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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