I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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