She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
