Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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