after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
