If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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