Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
