i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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