Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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