i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
