T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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