someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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