yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
