3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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