I hate your face
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
