I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
