can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
