I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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