is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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