I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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