I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My vagina is officially offended.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
