Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
