the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
