Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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