OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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