we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
