I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
