Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
