Apparently you make a good broom.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
