I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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