Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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