He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
