mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
