So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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