I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
