I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Never underestimate the power of titties
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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