So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
