So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Randomize
