So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
