Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
