you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I need to calm my uterus...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
