I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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