four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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