the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
