your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
